Author: freshcutfeelings

Lots of medical drama this week but let’s avoid that and focus on the diligent squirreling away of everything I come across.

Pinterest is a tool sent directly from heaven for those who are visually inclined, have control issues and a penchant for amassing whatever they can get their damn hands on. An endless nebulous stream of captivating images linking to important information that you can so thoroughly organize in your own glorious schema of subcategories and keep forever? Fuck you/Let’s dance.

In true hoarder fashion, online and in person, I have so many things that I can pack some away and find them a year (okay, years) later, truly having forgotten ever having obtained them, and be THRILLED that they exist. Literally everything sparks joy. It’s like walking into a shop where everything is just your taste and, what’s that, it’s all free (now)! I mean, capitalism is awful, and I’d rather have none of this if it meant the world could be more just, but for now here we are.

Artistic expression reconnects me to the best parts of being alive. My favourite art hoard is a collection that makes me feel something every time I look at it:

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Turns out I fucking love giant sculpture.

Growing a yard full of magic brings me so much joy and every year I try to find new ways to preserve and share what the garden gives.

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Art party direction for the month: embroidery!

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This project features many What Not To Do situations including classics such as: why not make your stitch bigger, turns out your brain can’t figure out perspective or depth & please do a better job at colour theory.

Small Gallery

The genius of coptic binding is in the functionality. The book signatures are tightly connected to one another with no other spinal attachments to restrict movement, allowing the book to lay perfectly flat, comfortably supporting your hand as you use it.

Small Gallery of Coptic Books

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music: courtney barnett – avant gardener
mood: struggling
Link to January playlist

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In September I visited an Osteopath for my chronic pain and he told me to do his recommended exercises twice a day for three weeks or more and then make a followup appointment. I had the best of intentions. Ask me how many times I’ve called to reschedule that appointment … or just do the calendar math, I guess.

Five exercises, three sets of eight to fifteen reps, two times a day (does anyone do it twice a day?). I’m using podcasts as welcome distractions and my phone always has CYG preloaded. The chosen episode relayed advice for/thoughts on the new year from excellent humans, relating to giving yourself permission(s). But … what does the human antonym of disciplined do with that.

I have a hard time wrapping my head around the permissions I give to myself. When do I grow if I’m always letting myself off the hook and claiming it’s self-care. I certainly don’t understanding what gives me feelings of being at peace, what revitalizes me or relieves stress (aside from eating literally everything). It’s still hard to recognize when I’m on my way to feeling that I’m in a bad place until I’ve arrived and am stuck in the thick of it. How do I develop that awareness so that I may prevent or mediate?

When overwhelmed, I want to slow things down and I always seem to opt for the path of least resistance. Hibernate, plan or plan-to-plan on one side of my computer screen and distract with tv to suppress any real engagement on the other, then go to bed. I have a no tv before noon rule that has been helpful when it works, for morning productivity, but I also linger in bed for hours when I could be on my way to getting my shit together on any given day.

It wasn’t a low key week. Work was bonkers, I went to a lovely-but-too-big party, I hosted new-friend-strangers for a crafternoon, I spent a wacky amount on art supplies I promised myself I’d earn (through disciplined practice of alt mediums instead of just craft supply hoarding) but then I just splurged and bought them all anyway, and also there was/is a snowpocalypse going on (mostly freezing rain). I started the physical rehab. I always brought a lunch to work. I crafted with friends. There was a lot of good, but I could have been more intentional with my hours instead of just granting a boatload of non constructive downtime. Also, give yourself a break. Also, stop giving yourself so many breaks.

There are about a dozen sites I like that will ship to Canada! I need to figure out what I want, from where, and where it will go in the yard.

Lists and links

I did place an order with Veseys:

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I’m quite excited about Annapolis Seeds, shipping 5$. Two trusted farmer friends have recommended them as near by growers who sell mostly their own seeds!

William Dam Seeds in Ont, shipping 8.95. While they have a wacky high shipping price, their selection included various selections I have been so keen to try all in one place, so here we go with them:

I could order from Brecks Bulbs again. I am sure they will throw a sale up soon enough that I won’t be able to resist.

Dominion Seeds in Quebec, shipping 6$
Overwhelming amount of links, probably has everything.

Florabunda, Ontario, shipping 6$

Sage Garden in Manitoba, shipping 1$?
Tons of links, didn’t fully peruse, many resources.

Ravensong Seeds in BC, shipping 6.10$

Stokes Seeds in Ont/US, shipping 7.95$

Salt Spring Seeds in BC, shipping 2$

TT Seeds in Manitoba, 4$

West Coast Seeds in BC, shipping 6.99
A bunch of links.

Halifax Seeds, shipping 5.95$
Carrot seed tape for losers at carrots (me).

USD 
Floret a lot of great options! 
Johnny’s Seeds, need to order flower magic 
Southern Exposure, shipping 7.50 USD

Honourable Mention
Rainbow Seeds

With the best of intentions, here we are, throwback 2004 LiveJournal style.

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I’d rather plan something than do it. I’ve always loved theory and reveled in the research, discovery and rumination over the smallest of details only to deflate to collapse on execution. It’s devastating to look back on this as my legacy. Even more devastating to watch as long term partners get hip to the twist and start shrugging off any glimmer of a new idea escaping from me. What’s wrong with just diving into the excitement of a new direction? Probably a lot.

Is it just procrastination? Lack of grit? How about an uncompromising willingness to accept feelings of discouragement as tangible defeat?

What do I lean into if I ever want to move forward with some follow through on a road with bumps or discomfort? It is The New Year and I am in a New House. Are you ready to hear all of the ambitions that come with these two things? My plan is to gather a small curated collection of wins while cataloging what I worked through; what worked well to make it actually workout when things did end up working. Seems like it is mostly others, or having others in tow, that helps me show up consistently. If it’s just me then yeah I have goals, but also, you know, what about that small town teen drama tv show. It’s not going to watch itself. 
The Modest Quest: One post per week with at least one photo – a little style to regain style, as years without trying to capture anything has diminished my eye. And when I sheepishly look back at time wasted, the hope is that I will more readily see what else there was to the year. Fifty two entries doesn’t feel overwhelming right now, but then again, the planning is always the party.